TENCHU 2006

Ugh

2007-02-25T02:52:00.000+08:00

Tanginang pag-ibig 'to.

Why does it have to be bittersweet?

In the Flesh

2007-02-19T10:33:00.000+08:00

Finally saw Migs, Gibbs and McVie in the flesh. It could have been a greater evening if I hadn't had to leave for work.

Ang gaganda nila, in fairview.

Looking Back

2007-02-15T11:45:00.000+08:00

Funny, the last time I blogged here was 5 months ago. And the last thing I said was that R and I reached our 15th month together. That I was very happy.

That same month, he and I broke up.

I also mentioned that I was struggling with the company I'm in and in fear of losing my job. Well guess what?

I resigned.
So did 5 veterans who kept the company afloat.

And you know what? I've moved on.

Moving Eastside

2006-09-07T11:24:00.000+08:00

So we recently moved to the East aka Cainta area. The place we were living at is falling apart, literally. Hence, it isn't safe to stay there anymore.

We're happily renting a very nice place in Cainta. I had to adjust a bit with regards to travelling to and from work. If it used to take me only 20 minutes to go to work, not it takes 40. But thank God for the LRT and MRT because they make things a lot convenient.

And what's new? R and I just celebrated our 15th month together. We've had a lot of fights here and there (they're undocumented here) but still we are together. Breaking the 12th month says a lot.

Work. What about it. Fuck it. The boss talked to me earlier this week and the management is thinking whether they must retain me or not. Why? 'Coz I'm fucking incompetent? Fuck it. Fuck it. Ugh. Those people are blind.

I'm very concered with my career lately. I'm wary of a lot of things I'm not even in control of. Waste of time and energy, I know. I can't crawl back to my parents' house, that just can't happen. So even if I need to work as a Call Center agent for a while, I won't mind. Not that I'm belittleing people who work for call centers but I can't remain stagnant in designing. I can't stop, or else I'll be left behind.

So there. Hopefully there are pictures uploaded soon. For now, I need to portray my role as a corporate slave.

Blurred

2006-08-24T13:22:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I feel like this.

Chillax

2006-08-10T00:48:00.000+08:00

How do I start?

...

I've been focusing too much on taking pictures and maintaining my other blog that I forget to sit down and just re-asses how I feel.

And sometimes I think too much that it doesn't make me function well.

Lately, I'm having a really hard time working where I'm working. Though I know deep down how eager I am to be better at what I do, I don't think the bosses see through me. Sometimes I think they even regret hiring me. It's only been like 2 months and I haven't even been evaluated yet.

A week ago my immediate boss talked me, relayed what our big boss told him to tell me.

I've recently been given a special project to create a certain website for a certain foundation. In the creation process, I've constantly asked approval from my boss in terms of art direction. Whenever I would ask him about his comments and/or suggestions as to what to add or what to change, he'd almost always just give me an "OK" and a two thumbs up (literally).

Me, being a newbie in the corporate world, would think that I'm doing a great, great job, right? How was I supposed to know?

And as far as I know, I've been passing my deliverables on time. On the day my boss tells me when to pass.

So here comes the grave news: the boss thinks I'm incompetent (that's rephrased of course).

They feel like my designs aren't at par with what the management (the non-creative group of people) have seen (meaning what they have seen from other people in the past). And if my works don't improve before my probationary period, it's goodbye.

WTF? But I thought my nincompoop boss said my designs were OK? What a useless Art Director. No wonder nobody likes him. That bastard.

Demoralizing. Ugh!

Imagine going to the office, ready to work, yet feeling like a hack. How fulfilling is that?

I wake up, hoping to start my day right, yet going back home feeling like I'm just wasting my time.

Only a few people in my workplace know about this. Everytime I see them laughing their hearts out, I tell myself that I wish I could do the same.

If not for my friendly friends/co-workers, I probably would not stay afloat.

I love my job and my company for crying out loud! But why the effing hell is this happening to me? I know I've got a lot in the bag. Why am I being overlooked? How about my other designs in the other websites I maintain? Did they even bother looking at that and telling me that I did a good job?

That is just unfair.

My friend says praning lang daw ako. Well I hope so too. But how can I not be when I've already left home and become independent? Security issues are slowly creeping in. I wouldn't want to go crawling back to my folks if I get kicked out. I think that is just plain ghastly.

*Sighs*

Chillax...

I...

2006-08-09T21:19:00.000+08:00

I wish I was a different ethnicity.
I have an eating disorder.
I'm short.
I'm tall.
I think I'm really attractive.
I prefer winter over summer.
I'm a geek.
I'm a shopaholic.
I'm reasonably intelligent.
I'm attracted to girls.
I'm attracted to boys.
I like British accents.
I smoke regularly.
I drink regularly.
I smoke socially.
I drink socially.
I get drunk easily. (kulang na sa practice hehe)
I do drugs.
I will never date a bad kisser.
I've lied to avoid kissing them again.
I brush my hair at least 50 times a night.
I'm religious.
I'm not religious but have morals.
I lie frequently.
I'm impulsive.
I'm hardworking.
I liked "Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind".
"She's All That" is one of my favourite movies.
I'm good at History.
I speak more than two languages.
I enjoy taking pictures.
I like spending money on myself.
I like spending money on others.
I have a regular income.
I earn money on a job-by-job basis.
I pay my own bills.
I rely on my parents for money.
I can cook.
I enjoy cleaning.
Tidyness is a must in my life.
I like clutter.
My idea of good music is Britney Spears.
I have heard of Blonde Redhead.
I enjoy Blonde Redhead.
I'm fashion-conscious.
I have good taste.
People tell me I have good taste.
I excel academically.
I'm told I have yet to fulfill my potential.
I'm good at sports.
I'm good at certain sports.
I couldn't do sports to save my life.
I'm creative.
I'm artistically inclined.
I wanna be an artist when I grow up.
I wanna be an engineer when I grow up.
I eat when I'm upset.
I cannot adapt to change.
I'm interested in politics.
I have shoplifted.
I download MP3s.
I've done underage drinking.
I've gone underage clubbing.
I can dance reasonably well.
I can dance extremely well.
I dance like a cardboard gorilla.
I can sing.
I sing like someone stepped on my foot.
I can swim.
I enjoy surveys.
I enjoy surveys when I'm bored.
I keep a journal.
My teachers don't like me.
I enjoy controversy.
I can be a bitch/bastard.
I have a thing for bad boys/girls.
I have tattoos.
I've been in a nudist colony.
I'm not sure if I want to have children.
I'm not sure if I'll get married.
I know who I will marry.
I'm interesting.
I'm a good liar.
People enjoy talking to me.
I annoy people from time to time.
I'm a born leader.
I'm a born leader but shouldn't lead.
I enjoy felching.
I have a foot fetish.
I have a shoe fetish.
I watch "Sex and the City".
I don't think Sarah Jessica Parker is pretty.
I wanna be J.Lo.
I cut myself.
I've cut myself.
I hate people who pretend to be suicidal.
I hate popular people.
I think cheerleading is a sport.
I'm photogenic.
I live in Chucks.
I think graffiti is art.
I have dated a criminal.
I have been cheated on.
I have cheated on someone.
I have a temper.
I like playgrounds.
I dance in the rain.
I'm obsessed with Shakespeare.
I have tanlines.
My favourite color is pink.
My favourite color is black.
I would classify myself as emo.
I'm musically inclined.
I like listening to music.
I like music-blasting cars.
Thongs are comfortable.
I like flip-flops.
I know what monogamy is...
...and I believe in it.
I wanna be a social worker when I grow up.
I have sibling/s.
My sibling/s annoy me.
I think "South Park" is funny.
I believe in LOVE.

2006-08-03T13:51:00.000+08:00

Ordering food at Cebu Fiesta in Gateway...

Me: Miss, yung 2-viand promo niyo. Ito at ito. (pointing at the food)

Girl: Sir, hindi ba kayo mag e-extra rice?

Me: Hindi na, isa lang.

Girl: Ah, kaya pala hindi kayo tumataba. *grins*

EXTREMELY insulted. Trying to REALLY hard to keep my cool. Kung papatulan ko siya, para naman akong hindi college graduate niyan.

Me: ...(thinking) WTF? Even if I'm big, atleast I don't look like a snail.

If I didn't have to go to work today, I would have talked to her supervisor right there and then and would have forgotten all about that college graduate crap.

Hypocrite

2006-08-03T01:59:00.000+08:00

Fuck YOU.

Some friend you are.

Letter from a Friend

2006-08-01T04:20:00.000+08:00

Hey...

Let's just say there are reasons why we meet guys like these in our lives. Maybe so we can appreciate who we are with now or maybe it's a test from the GUY/GIRL/WHATEVER above.

Whatever the reason is, these situations remind us what we have become now and what we have learned. We are living proof that there is still happiness after the hurt. And as for you, you found happiness again. You are not the same guy as before and you took a risk to love again. You have grown so much and I have never seen you happier. You have accomplished a lot so far. And most importantly, you learned how to believe and rely in yourself. All of this would never would have happened without that dark angel.

Besides, u were never good with beer chugging and I'm not good with putting a 17 or 18 inch pizza down my throat either as a way to cope. We learned to move on and we see things in a different perspective now especially in relationships. You came out and accepted yourself and admitted that you got hurt. And that's brave 'coz you are only human, you have a lot of places to go and a lot more things to do. Don't let one prick or doubt stop what you have accomplished.

I'm proud of you, my friend.

A comment for the entry Deal's Off.

I Thought...

2006-07-16T12:15:00.000+08:00

Coming out to people of the "same" kind would give me a sense of acceptance. In a way it did help me, but then it's really dependent on the attitude of seeing things and sincerely relating with other people.

Sometimes I feel like I'm back in High School, some loser trying to be one of the popular kids; in the limelight, wanting to be heard, wanting to get out of the dark.

I've been feeling insecure lately; with what I do, with my kind of work, with the people I'm with. Often I ask myself what I'm doing in that company. Why did they even hire me?

Ugh, senseless thoughts.

No...

2006-07-04T17:42:00.000+08:00

...The deal's off. I probably will have to get used to the fact that things ARE gonna be shaky from time to time.

We're back together now.

Happy 13th Month, baby.

Deal's Off

2006-06-30T18:52:00.000+08:00

I remember being with this guy 2 years ago whom I was with for 10 months. He was the type who knew the right words to say at the right time I needed to hear them. We've put in a lot in that relationship, eventhough we knew both our efforts were in vain.

He was a family man. Married for 6 years with 3 kids (now 4). He was a great talker and I was left with empty promises. Those were the darkest days of my life. A "commitment" full of lies and deception.

Now things are different.

I'm with someone who stutters and/or mums when asked for reasons. I get the wrong reasons at the worst times. I get inconsistent answers.

But I'm clinging onto the fact that there is progress even with the inconsistencies. There is hope in what we have. I'm just glad to be with someone who doesn't give me empty promises and false hopes.

Bottomline is, I'd rather be with an inconsistent prick than with a dark angel.

New One

2006-06-27T21:38:00.000+08:00

I created a new blog not too long ago. It's supposed to be a "straight" blog. Atleast that's what I'm trying to project. I created one so people I personally know can actually digest my posts, unlike here wherein I can get a bit vulgar, even in my sex life hehe.

I'm not going to post the URL here. But if anyone's interested, you can always reach me through Google Talk. (Assuming anybody is actually interested.)

Actually, I made it for my brother who's working abroad. I know he's lonely there and homesick like hell so I made a photoblog and see the pictures I take. Besides, I don't think he'd be at all interested with the gay life.

---

It's good that I'm too damn busy at work. I get to divert my attention to other things instead of sulking about the cool off thing. I wish it were that easy to explain things, especially to myself. I don't know what went wrong. I don't know how to even begin...

Work. Work. Work. Thank God for lots of goddamn work.

Cooling Off

2006-06-27T12:13:00.000+08:00

Whatever.

I don't know what went wrong. But I hope to find out next Sunday, when the deal's off.

*sigh*

Hello Cancer

2006-06-21T19:50:00.000+08:00

This is what I like about NOT living in a subdivision. Goodluck to my internal organs.

Seeing

2006-06-21T19:22:00.000+08:00

One of the perks of being in a media empire is seeing celebrities here and there. And having the "right" to enter a studio so long as you're carrying an ID. This is what I'm talking about:

Though I don't really watch the show, it's nice to see where magic happens. But the thing is, you get to brag about what you've seen and where you've been. Cruel, I know hehe. But really, I barely even watch local channels. I'm more of a Cable channel guy.

Here's the view from our office. Cool, huh? I know. 0_o But soon we'll be transferring to the main building on our new office on the 12th floor. We've seen it the other day and it looks like a European Ad Agency (or so I think?). While this area of ours (the building where I'm in right now) will soon be a home for our new studios.

People have been working 24/7 to get the new studios started. Can't wait to see them.

Newbie

2006-06-20T11:34:00.000+08:00

I kept complaining the other week that work doesn't seem to stop pouring in. Now, since Monday, I've just been surfing and YMing friends here and there. The articles I'm supposed to upload won't be ready until ~~tomorrow~~ Friday (the earliest).

I do enjoy working here in the company. Aside from seeing celebrities and being a part of a media empire, my co-workers are nice (atleast most of them). There are lots of well-known designers and fellow bloggers here. Some of them I hit off with like we're long-time friends. Instantly it feels like home.

My smoking habits have gotten worse as I'm hooked more than ever like I'm not asthmatic at all. And my officemates, gawd they smoke like a house on fire. Stupid, I know. Stupid peer pressure. This is just like High School haha.

I enrolled myself in a gym near my workplace and started my workout yesterday. I'm big and fat; too many fats to burn here and there. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm already having a hard time moving around (not that I look like a whale).

Let's see where this leads to.

Uninvited

2006-06-15T18:57:00.000+08:00

Godammmit, this is only my 2nd week here in the office and I feel like pile upon pile of work is constantly pouring in. To think I'm working overtime almost everyday. And all the while before I started my first day at work I thought that "weekly site updates" were just updates. Little did I know that I'm in for a big surprise.

The thing I hate the most is not being recognized for my hard work. If my superiors only know how I worked my ass off this week, they'd realized how hard my job is.

I should learn to leave stress at work. I never really understood the real meaning of work stress until now. I thought people would say they're stressed just as an expression.

Earlier, I was telling a co-worker that I might have to get drunk everyday just so I can leave my rants in the office. If I can't find my balance, my social circle will inevitably suffer.

But thank God for friendships, for my relationship, for Ginebra Premium Gin, and for lastnight's Adobong Manok. R's learning to cook better. Thanks for hitching my ride.

Deconstructing the Hype

2006-06-12T00:22:00.000+08:00

My nephew in line for some popcorn.
The infamous 1st IMAX theatre in the country.

Mall of Asia's just too big it's not even funny. Aside from the enormous land area, I can't begin to phatom how it is possible to fill the place with a gazillion people. I thought it was "big enough for everyone to fit in". And what's with the ugly architecture?

IMAX theater is something to experience. I've been to theme parks abroad featuring 15-minute shows, but this is the first time I've experience a full-length movie with polarized glasses on. It's weird and it gets uncomfy.

But hey, atleast there's something new to get the crowd going to the other side of the metro. Ayala Center's already too crowded for bystanders. So, hats off to Henry Sy for unclogging the malls of Makati.

---

I survived the first week of work, thank God. Let's just hope and pray that I make a good impression to my bosses and that I don't f*ck up my tasks.

My co-workers are fantastic. Each one got in because they had something unique to contribute to the company's mission. Now that makes me wonder, what on earth am I doing there? hehe

So far, the time I enjoy the most is our yosi breaks because I get the chance to go around and talk to my new friends. Since I am the only person from the Creative Group who's been situated in the Tech Group, napapanis na ang laway ko, literally, dahil wala akong maka-chokaran sa kanila.

Let's just say my ears are already numb from hearing about boobs, girls, basketball, and condoms. In short, I'm the only queer guy amongst the thorns and they have noooo idea whatsoever. Duh?!

Good thing I still can pass as a straight guy. :)

Something Special

2006-06-12T00:04:00.000+08:00

What he made me for our Anniversary.

Nilagang Baka | June 2006

Yum :)

Kapuso

2006-06-08T12:02:00.000+08:00

I'm a Kapuso now!

A lot of people have been wondering why after broadcasting that I've been accepted at ABSi, I'm now working at GMA New Media, Inc.

I have lots of reasons. But of course the big one's the bread: I'll be earning almost double the salary ABSi's offering. Career-wise, I do have a future here, not a dead-end job.

Anyway, no pictures for now. Maybe next week when I'm settled in the office. :)

Kampay!

2006-06-04T00:27:00.000+08:00

After all the twists and turns.

CCP | june 2006

People thought it would come to an end when in fact it has just begun.

alabang town center | may 2006

The choices are ours to make.

something fishy, eastwood city | may 2006

I'm looking forward to more years.

tomas morato | may 2006

Happy 1st Anniversary!
My heart is yours.

Kampay!

Simple Pleasures

2006-06-03T16:06:00.000+08:00

A LIST OF MY 10 LIFE'S SIMPLEST PLEASURES:

Getting drunk with friends. It's nice to see them loosen up a bit.
Seeing huge and beautiful trees in the metropolis. Looking at them makes the busy life in city a bit laid back.
Cool breeze on summer nights. It's easier to fall asleep. (I don't have an AC =p)
Travelling. May it be on a jeep, bus or plane; I just love going to places.
Being organized. I always have to have an organizer, be it digital or traditional.
Web designing. My layouts almost always reflect my emotions.
Capturing unguarded moments on photos.
Putting those photos online. Hihi. =p
Talking in silence. Conversing with friends without speaking a word.
A very big and warm hug from R. That's all I need to brush my insecurities away.

Thanks for the tag Naomi. =)

Playing Host-ess

2006-05-14T23:48:00.000+08:00

View from Cityland Shaw
Renaissance Tower, Ortigas Center
Eastwood City, Libis
Tiendesitas, Frontrera Verde, Ortigas Ave., corner C-5

My Ex-Girlfriend from L.A. and a very good friend, Cary, from Portland recently arrived for a 2-week vacation here in Manila. And so I'm playing hostess for these 2. I think I've been a good one so far and I guess they wouldn't disagree.

Cary and I met through Downelink September of last year (when I was still maintaining a profile). Since then we've become good friends and would even call each other "sis". We can't get any gayer than that. That's like the epitomy of gayness for 2 straight-acting closet people. He's renting a place for a couple of weeks and the photo above is his view from Cityland.

---

Does anybody recognize the Renaissance Tower? It's a beautifully done building with elegant details and spacious rooms. It's very affordable too. No wonder, below the entire complex is a fault line. And most likely, most of the residents aren't aware of that.

My brother was ready to put his M3 on the market to get a 2-bedroom unit there, until he talked to my cousin who's into development.

Fault line. Hello?!

---

Bedroom's already open by the way, but it looks like a "straight" bar, nowhere near the image of BED, Malate. Am I missing something?

Went to BED last Friday with R and Cary. Cary's a first-timer and I was so eager to take him there and experience Malate first-hand. Guess what? My sister easily hooked up with some cute guy. I wonder who's on top? =P

I was also in for a shock. Two guys approached me that night, wanting to get to know me. *Ang haba ng hair ko.* But of course, being the good girl that I am, I effortlessly brushed them away, saying, "I'm sorry, I'm with someone".

*Then immediately looks at R and smiles at him*

---

The photo of my ex-girlfriend's deliberately blurred. Let's just keep her anonymous for my sake. Haha.

---

And by the way, I got the job at ABSi. =)

Swarming

2006-05-08T01:43:00.000+08:00

lunch celebration at greenbelt 3
with jun & ching at tiananmen bar
swarm of people in BED
faux geisha -- gay siya also in BED

---

My academic life ended yesterday and I can see my folks being so relieved to see their youngest daughter *ehem* son to march on stage and receive his diploma after 2 + 4 years in college. I can sense my mother beaming from afar, that made me very happy.

---

(excerpt)
I have not been very vocal in appreciating you and Dad, but believe me when I say that I do appreciate you and all that you have done for us. I recall the days when you would come home late from the office and you would still find time to tutor me until late night. It doesn't stop there, you would even continue making me "test papers" for me to answer the next day while I am on the banig sleeping soundly. Honestly, you are the only mother I know who's done that...

I wrote her a Mother's Day/Thank You letter the night before graduation day. We don't normally do this, but I figured I owe her one since we don't really get to talk. Surprisingly, she wrote me a response letter and I was in tears while reading it.

---

Finally got the chance to go to BED with first timers jun and ching lastnight. Jun's a former co-intern in ABSi a few months back. I got introduced to his buddy Ching after a few weeks. It's funny how Jun and I became friends, but I'll probably just have to write about that in another post.

---

A few months back, R gave me a necklace with a skeleton key pendant which symbolizes the key to his heart. Only to find out after a few months that he...

The memory and the pain continue to haunt me everytime I see that necklace. I decided to return it to him because it had already lost its meaning. I could not get over what happened. I couldn't accept the fact that I was betrayed. We fought almost every night because I could not feel security, constantly suspicious that he might be doing something behind my back.

Upon having dinner at Tiananmen with Jun and Ching, while parked at Shell Ayala, he gave me a ring and wore it on my finger. He says he wants to renew the vow he made. That ring gave me a lot of hope for our relationship.

---

Gay-nest, Malate, was packed like the usual Saturday night. Our 2 friends enjoyed a lot and we got home too drunk and exhausted. It was all worth it though, even the hangover. And guess who in the flesh in BED?

"Excuse me. Are you McVie?", I said.
"Yes. And you are...?", says McVie.
"I'm Tenchu. It's so nice to finally meet you!"
"Oh yeah, I'm glad to see the face behind..." (something like that. couldn't hear well because it was too noisy that time.)
*He extends his hand and we shook hands*
"Kaya pala nagtataka ako bakit tingin kayo nang tingin sa akin...", he adds.

The night was beautiful and liberating. Amidst the hundreds of swarming gay people, R and I held onto each other and transported ourselves to a world of our own. I felt us being stronger as a couple lastnight.

---

May 9
~~But this morning, I feel differently. Am I making things complicated or things really ARE complicated? I sometimes feel like I'm drowning in my insecurities. And I'm weak.~~

Oh fuck me.

Coming and Going

2006-05-05T14:27:00.000+08:00

Driving along Ayala Avenue.
KitKat Petit from Japan.

My sister and her hubby arrived from the U.S. last night from a 3-week-long vacation. On the other hand, my brother left this morning and will be working there for 3 years.

It still hasn't sunk in that he's already left. Feels like he just went to the grocery or something. We don't have the common brotherly bond, it doesn't work that way in my family: we're more of the "civil" type (I have my life, you have yours). I think the gap between us started when I was around 10, when I had very visible signs of being different. It wasn't because I was just flamboyant but because I AM really different.

But we care for one another in a very subtle way. I remember when he left in August last year, we've talked more through the internet than when he was still at home. Distance can sometimes make you closer, that's why I'm glad he left (that didn't sound nice, did it?) hehe.

---

By the way, tomorrow's my graduation! Funny, I'm more excited to dine out and go clubbing tomorrow night :)

11 Months, 1 Day, 34 Minutes, and Counting...

2006-05-05T01:34:00.000+08:00

(absi | may 2006)

Through all the laughters and heart-breaks, I'm still glad to be with you for 11 wonderful and meaningful months. I do hope it doesn't end here.

My heart is yours...

Superhero

2006-05-03T22:03:00.000+08:00

Your results:
You are Superman

Superman		65%
Spider-Man		65%
Green Lantern		60%
Catwoman		60%
Batman		55%
The Flash		55%
Hulk		50%
Supergirl		40%
Iron Man		35%
Robin		32%
Wonder Woman		30%

You are mild-mannered, good,
strong and you love to help others.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero am I?" quiz...

---

For a while there, I thought I'd end up being Supergirl. My God, I can imagine how you would laugh at me if I did.

---

Went to ABSi this morning and took the Creative Index exam I was talking about. I thought I was the only one taking it when in fact, I was surprised to see all 23 of us. I think 5 of us are vying for the same position. The test was less than an hour long but it was all drawing, which is my utmost weakness!

Drawing's never easy for me. I do layouts and take pictures GODAMMIT!

And that fucker who interviewd me was awfully rude. Sure, he's the Creative Head, which is like the god of the whole Creative Division. He was in no postion to lambast the self-esteem I had left, hell no!

You see, I don't do well in interviews either. I don't know if it's the language barrier (me having a hard time speaking in "tertiary" English) or my head flies off the topic (aka out of context answers). It's really weird that I sometimes forget what I'm talking about after the 1st or 2nd sentence. Am I an imbecile or was I just nervous about being interrogated?

Maybe I don't really blame him for making me feel bad. Besides, I did look like a dumbass. At one point he asked me about what I do. It was a very general question, so I said, "I take pictures". And he was like, "What does that have to do with creativity?!" Tang-ina...oo nga naman.

I swear, I cringe everytime that plays in my head. So I guess I should forget getting in and move on to the next available company. Haay buhay.

Shiny Disco Balls!

2006-05-02T18:04:00.000+08:00

(eastwood city & superbowl gateway restroom | march 2006)

Drugs...
Rock 'n' roll...
Bad-ass vegas whores...
Late-night booty calls...
Shiny Disco balls...

---

Over at the City Hall this morning, beside me was a 26ish lady, also in queue to get an NBI clearance. Since I was bored and was feeling a bit friendly, I asked why she's getting a new clearance (because she didn't look like a fresh grad). So we started talking.

Her name is Jing-"aling" (she joked), a high school graduate, leaving for South Korea soon to work in a club as an entertainer, a singer to be specific. Jokingly, she said she doesn't look like one and has no idea how she got in.

Two of her friends are already there and are waiting for her. This isn't the first time she's leaving to work abroad. In fact she's been to Malaysia not too long ago and their experience wasn't pleasant at all.

Their recruiter told them that they would be working in a club (meaning: look all you want, but no touching) when in fact they got into a casa and they were GROs, not entertainers. She shared that some of their friends, "nakipag-ano" na sa kliyente, worried that clients might be carrying AIDS. They were forced to swallow their dignity for the sake of their starving children back home. Most of them didn't last for a week and wanted to go home. Sadly, they still had to save money for their ticket back to Manila and that took them a while.

Good thing, she only had to fend for herself: her parents have already passed away, she has no siblings, and no family of her own. The opportunity was at her disposal but still there was the risk, a very big one.

Ang hirap ng buhay nila, kapit sa patalim. Knowing her for a brief moment, it seemed that she could get a better job if only there were more opportunities for people like her. She's smart and determined but THIS 3rd world isn't ready for people like her. Sayang.

I often wonder if I'd do the same thing if I were in their shoes.

It is of great honor to be featured in your site, my dear Empress. *beso-beso*

Groovy

2006-04-30T18:11:00.000+08:00

(levi's, gateway mall | april 28, 2006)

Thanks to the Empress, I got the idea of of embedding a MP3 Player on my site as well. These are the sounds I bathe myself on and I wanna share them with you. The playlist will be updated in the days to come.

Everytime I see a new Levi's Store, I can't help but pause and be enamored by their major image revamp. I like everything from the new wallpaper patterns to the window graphic designs. They've managed to set a hip trend while maintaining their vintage brand image.

Soul Connection

2006-04-30T00:18:00.000+08:00

RJ's pad
Reading Soul Cards with R
Rainbow Project. Orosa Courtyard, Malate

---

I arrived today from Quezon City after attempting to finish my online portfolio. It's really gonna take me a while to finish my site. Frustration's slowly taking over.

---

I'm no longer expecting anything from eTelecare because I think it's gonna be a waste of time. How do I expect to act as an I.T. helpdesk (a.k.a. glorified technician) when I can't even tinker with my own PC. Who am I kidding?

---

I went over to ABS-CBN Interactive yesterday for an interview for a Media Designer position and I got the chance to talk my former co-workers (I used to be a full-time intern for 7 months). Ench, the Creative Group Head, was very excited when she met me in the receiving area. She told me she's seen my online portfolio and was very much impressed, to my surprise. That flattered me a lot, especially coming from my soon-to-be big boss. *crosses fingers*

On Wednesday, they're giving me a Creative Index Exam (whatever that is) and hopefully I pass and that the HR picks me AND I would be regularized.

---

R and I went to Rainbow Project last night and whisked the night away since I was going back home from playing wifey for a week. Great thumping music, beautiful crowd, and wonderful conversation; It was a night to remember with my love. (Too bad the Sisig was terrible)

I'm loving Malate and my partner more than ever.

5-Set Shit

2006-04-26T17:56:00.000+08:00

Went over to eTelecare today and took the exam for I.T. Helpdesk (a.k.a. glorified Technician). It has 5 sets all in all which I took for more than 2 hours. Upon receiving the 4th set, I was telling my seatmate that I'm tired and wanna go home. I even had running nose because it was too cold inside the building and too hot outside. It seemed pointless as I was already struggling to finish the exam. Relatively, it was easy, but it was too much. Besides I wasn't really looking forward to getting the job. I just wanted to have a lot of options.

I've been in Quezon City since Monday afternoon. I'm still working on my Flash site but it's taking a lot longer than expected as this is my first real attempt to do my site to Flash. (I'm talking about another site, not this one)

I'm quite happy that my mom's been quite supportive of my portfolio renovation. I never heard her complain about my gas consumption. (I'm from the Southern part of Manila)

---

After taking the exam earlier, I was given a letter telling me I passed the "Skill Test". I have no idea what that means. Did I get in or what? I forgot to ask them about what it meant because my mind was already floating when I left my chair and I so wanted to blow my nose. Tomorrow I have another interview (aside from the initial phone interview I had last night). Let's see what happens.

---

RJ's no longer leaving for New York. There has been a sudden change of plan (AGAIN), which is a good thing, though, especially for him. He hasn't mentioned anything about hiring me after graduation, but I think for now, it's best that I go on my own.

Inspite my desire to be completely independent at the soonest possible time, I still miss my family's glorious days when Dad was still developing subdivisions in Batangas and we had our own construction empire. Man, we were filthy rich back then.

The Day I Saw Ms. Piggy

2006-04-24T11:47:00.000+08:00

(vistamar, batangas | circa 2005)

Going to my old church yesterday was a drag since I was forced to be amidst the people who made me realize that the church is a big lie. (I transferred to another church less than a year ago) I have no problems with the doctrines except that they emphasize that homosexuality is all about lust and gays can't enter Heaven.

Sometimes I feel like going back to church (think: halleluiah praise the Lord people) and being close to my Creator once again. But I hate the boring life, especially the no sex and alcohol policy hehehe. And after having read Da Vinci Code, seeing Gospel of Judas, and Queer as Folk (kailangan kasama siya, diba?) I realized I was unconsciously being blasphemous when I was still leading a Bible study group a year ago. I was telling peole about how amazingly consistent the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John) were considering that those apostles were in different locations when they wrote those books.

After seeing Gospel of Judas last week, I was shocked to find out that the apostles didn't write those books, but their followers did. Those Gospels were written after they died.

I, too, was a part of the BIG lie. Tsk. I told myself that I'm never gonna be a church leader again, EVER.

Really, I think one can find the balance between his sexuality and spirituality. Like what I always tell people close to me, I don't think God is all that rigid; it's the church that imposes that image of Him so it can control its people. Just like when Constantine ruled over Rome, he used Christianity (to the point of altering the Bible) to control his new-found colony.

Looking at it, I think the church is one big corporation, trying to keep afloat, geting ahold of more resources and people power to stiffen the competition.

---

As I left the bank this afternoon, I saw this L300 park in front of me as I was walking. Someone on the passenger's seat was staring at me. Looking closely, he looked like Ms. Piggy of The Muppet Show (with super curly hair), only 6 times bigger AND darker. AND he was half naked! Yuck! Kadiri talaga! (yabang ko hehe)

As I walked away towards my car, I couldn't take the grin off my face. Laugh trip talaga.

I miss the beach. Can't wait to go to Galera!

Gasul

2006-04-22T16:26:00.000+08:00

Last night, I got back from my 3-day Flash tutorial with RJ. Since he's leaving me with no job, he agreed to teach me and help me revamp my website. Fun-filled it was I must say. Plus the fact that R and I got to spend 2 nights together at his place in Morato.

---

This morning was the graduation rehearsal. I can't wait to graduate. Though I feel sad about my friends not being able to join me march next month. Since some of them decided not to finish college (like RJ) and the other one's delayed for a term and is still in internship, I feel like there's nobody to share the happiness and fulfillment with. It's like riding a rollercoater all by yourself and with no one to share your experience with. I belong in different cliques at school but the connections are just too shallow; reason being they have no idea I'm...

---

Over lunch, I told my folks about the job predicament I'm in. I was careful not to mention too much details as my mother's always too anxious to know details. Out of nowhere she'd start telling me what to do and stuuf. She's used to making decisions for me probably because I'm bunso. I just get more frustrated sometimes because she always pushes me to apply in high-paying companies that isn't even related to what I want. She gets pressured whenever our relatives/her friends especially those who don't belong from rich families eventually becomes more financially successful than her kids (which is us). Like she wants to win the competition. But there isn't any.

But aside from the "need" to be on top, of course, any mother would want her kids to be successful and far greater than them. When I get irritated with her, I just try to see the other reasons why she pressures me. She's not aware of it, but she's pressuring me. Pressure is good, but atleast let it come from me. Let me initiate it. I know she's worried I might end up like my Kuya who had his 1st real job at the age of 31. I hope she sees that I'm different.

---

I realized that in any relationship there will always be inconsistencies. But what makes it work is the give and take from both ends. A friend told me to just enjoy the relationship. 3 and a half days and counting, R and I didn't get into any argument. :)

Not a Hornivore?

2006-04-18T20:14:00.000+08:00

I took a test I found through phankmaster's blog. See it for yourself.

Here's my result.

Steady, reliable, and cradling him tenderly. Take a deep breath, and let it out real easy. You are The Slow Dancer.

Your focus is love, not sex, and for your age, you have average experience. But you're a great, thoughtful guy, and your love life improves every year. There's also a powerful elimination process working in your favor: most Playboy types get stuck raising unwanted kids before you even begin settling down. The men left over will be hot and yours. Your ideal man is someone intimate, intelligent, and very supportive.

Your exact opposite: The Hornivore - Random Brutal Sex Master

While you're not exactly the life of the party, you do thrive in small groups of smart people. Your circle of friends is extra tight and it's HIGHLY likely they're just like you. You appreciate symmetry in relationships.

Always avoid The False Messiah. Consider The Gentleman or The Slow Dancer

Aside from my ideal man (mentioned above), I recall having 4 requirements when I was still "in the market". He must be smart, cultured, educated, and funny. In fairness, R's all those AND a whole lot more. Grrr.

He's become too busy at work eversince his fucking Deputy Director came 3 months ago. He barely has time to answer my texts or YM messages. Sometimes it makes me wonder...But I just choose to believe him. Besides, I don't really know how things work in their office so I don't think I'm in the position to...

My designer friend has this wonderful design company which he founded just a year ago. I heard it's doing pretty well and most of his clients are from abroad. A few months back, we've already agreed that he'd hire me and would someday make me his business partner. I'm excited and In fact I've already done some planning as to what to do, where to live, how to spend and balance my time. He messaged me this morning, telling me the grave news: that he's leaving for New York in a month. That means NO WORK for me. He's still blissed as what to do with his design company and I honestly think he'd decide to shut down no matter how close it is to his heart.

Great. REALLY great. Just after I've put down some offers. Now I'm really gonna be part of the statistics of jobless people if I don't get a job right after graduation this May.

I'm jolted and overwhelmed, really because I wasn't prepared for this. Though knowing him being fluid and all, I should've forseen this and made alternative plans for myself. I'm kind of pissed off but I can't blame the guy because he's my friend and I understand why he needs to leave. He really needs this.

My ex-girlfriend (whom I've become in very good terms with) will be coming home from abroad to pay her dying Lola a visit. She learned from my cousin that I've planned a trip to Galera and she wants to go. Now she's inviting herself to go with us. What she doesn't know is that it's a gay-lovers-only trip. I wonder how she'll react if she finds out I'm...

Playing Wifey

2006-04-17T23:38:00.000+08:00

R reheating the leftover spaghetti.
R preparing french fries and carbonara for breakfast.
Buying fruits somewhere in Makati.
Below Skyway. Behind the railroad.

Annoying

2006-04-16T13:52:00.000+08:00

The girl 2 rows in front of me could not stop cuddling with her boyfriend inside the church this morning. They should have brought their business elsewhere. I know they're dying to do it already.

Keeping it Real

2006-04-15T16:45:00.000+08:00

I asked my beautiful 9-year old neice to draw me a tree. And what a wonderful tree it is! I can't even draw a stick man to save my life.

Surprisingly, we didn't do anything this Holy Week. The whole time, we were just doing our own thing, like always. Mom would hang out in her room watching her favorite Koreanovelas. Dad would sit infront of his PC. Kuya would be glued to his PS2. Another Kuya would lock himself in his room enjoying the air conditioning and occassionaly would go out for a smoke or two. The kids would either watch cartoons, play outside, or forced to take an afternoon nap.

I, on the other hand, get to surf, surf, and surf. This is the life.

Maybe we're cost-cutting or something? I mean, the fridge has barely anything except for water and ice.

A few years back, I recall my folks would always drag me to go to church and attend the services with them. Prayer meetings here, midweek services there. It gets boring, really. I'm just happy to stay home and get reaquainted like this with the internet.

I've spent the last 6 or 7 days in front of the computer. I barely get decent amount of sleep as some days, it'd take me 'till around 7am to finally let me body rest. This is something I never got to do for 4 years after my last girlfriend and I parted ways. I mentioned her because she was as hooked to the internet as I was because we both designed websites.

It has been therapeutic and nostalgic. Over the days, I've been able to talk to my long lost online friends. Most of them I haven't talked to for over 2 years now. We did a lot of catching up and at some point I get overwhelmed that real friendship CAN grow even over the internet.

It meant a lot that I bumped onto her the other day (she refuses to have her name mentioned). Like her, I think that was one of the best and most honest conversations I've had (not just online). For the first time, we didn't have to hide behind our masks for the fear of being criticized or condemned.

To say the least, it was a reuniuon of some sort. Feels like I have my old life back. This is a meaningful Holy Week.

About Me

2006-04-14T15:21:00.000+08:00

I should have transferred this About Me page from my Wordpress account a long time ago. But hey! It's better late than never, right? Here goes nothing...

Hi! I'm a 20-something guy from Manila who's recently found refuge in smoking. I'll soon be graduating and will be a part of the statistics of jobless people. But of course, that's just me being cynical. Truth is, I already have a designing job waiting for me a looong time ago. I just couldn't work because of school. (Ironic, huh?) I'm already employed as a Designer for a Media Empire.

So what's this all about? I'm not into writing that much as I'm a person of few words. I find it easier to convey messages through photos. I'm lying. That's just me pretending to be an artist.

Most of the time, I'll be using my ~~Sony Ericsson P900i to take pictures so expect low quality (not a Megapixel cam)~~ 2.0 MP Sony Ericsson K750i camera phone so hopefully I give my subjects some justice. However, I do have a bulky 5.0 MP Canon S50 but I only use it on special occassions. I like taking pictures of anything even if I know the subject looks like shit (literally and figuratively) to everybody.

I try to be consistently articulate, eloquent, and straight-to-the-point when I speak my mind. I'm not saying I'm good, because I'm really not, but I attempt to. Do read my very 1st entry when you're in a good mood to get to know the guy behind all this, ~~whatever it is. In the mean time, I'll need to figure out what I really wanna do with this site.~~

I hope you'll join me in my misadventures as I turn this site into a collection of photos ~~of people smoking and other things~~ and writings as I, myself, discover a whole new side of me and my new world I've recently accepted.

(updated April 14, 2006)

Over SMS

2006-04-13T02:39:00.000+08:00

"friendships" | april 13, 2006

VJ: Hi. Thanks for accomodating us ulit sa house niyo. Nahihiya na ako kung minsan kasi. I hope to see you guys soon. Napaka-brotherly ang feeling ko kung dalawa lang tayo. Haha! Sana in time I could get to kid you around like what we do with Val. Nytie! *hugs*

TENCHU: Yes, I'm looking forward to that. I too enjoyed our talk. I wanted to share and ask more pa nga medyo hesitant lang ako kasi you might feel uncomfy. In time mawawala rin yung hiya, I guess hehe. I hope we get to hangout in Tagaytay soon. Dinner, just like before. You take care. I miss you my brother. Good night. *hugs*

Opening Summer

2006-04-12T13:07:00.000+08:00

Starbucks Coffee 2006 Planner.
Kids enjoying the summer.

Sis and her hubby left for the US recently so the kids will be staying here with us for 3 weeks. It's become rowdy again here, and it's nice to have kids around the house, it makes everyboy alive. Kids naturally posses an infecting aura that makes you wanna be silly again like them. No inhibitions, "keber nila" type of attitude.

If you've noticed, I've added more blog links. These are the ones I read/plan to read. Most of them are Filipinos, some Asians, some Americans. I lost track of time, hadn't notice it was already 7am. I spent the night reading through their blogs.

I also added an AdBrite Ad for those who wish to get their sites/products/services seen. All you have to do is click on the link and follow the simple instructions. It kindov works like Google AdSense, but with AdBrite, advertisers get to pick which site they wanna be seen at.

My folks are planning a trip to Batangas some time this month because the kids love to swim (they're being spoiled by Grandma and Grandpa) and I think it's high time I get an even tan. I don't look good naked. Aside from the fact that I have 1.5L abs, my skin tone varies from head to foot. If I am to be chopped into pieces, I have natural lines indicating "where to chop".

On the other hand, R, my friend Chris and his date, and myself are planning a trip to Galera. My first time there. Hoping to unravel the mysteries of Galera. It kindov feels like going to Malate for the first time. Can't wait for that :)

The Queer Answer

2006-04-11T12:36:00.000+08:00

PRIEST: Ang mga bakla'y walang lugar sa kaharian ng langit.

MGA BAKLA: Carry lang father. Dun nalang kami sa rainbow mag slide-slide!

Winner ito! Haha! Badengga nga! Apir!

Of Pets and Colors

2006-04-09T15:01:00.000+08:00

Why can't my health be as good as Lucky Me Pancit Canton? I can eat this everyday and I won't even compain. (If only my parents' clans didn't have histories of kidney-failures)

My asthma's been tormenting me for like a month now and it's gotten even worse. My phlegm's turned yellow, green, white with a dash of red, and then back to yellow. Is my respiratory system trying to complete the color wheel? It sounds creative, I know. But I'm really not having fun at the moment.

"Healthy" phlegm is normally clear or white. Yellow phlegm is normally a sign of an infection. Greenish or brownish phlegm is nearly always a sign of infection. Greenish or rusty phlegm or phlegm with rusty spots can also be a sign of pneumonia. Coughing up brown phlegm is also a common symptom of smoking too much. This is due to resin sticking to the viscous texture of the phlegm and being ejected by the body. Phlegm may be a carrier of larva of intestinal parasites (see hookworm). -- Plhegm, Wikipidia.Org

Gosh, I might be breeding pets I'm not even aware of.

Over Finals

2006-04-08T00:23:00.000+08:00

Classes officially end today. I'll see on the 19th if my name's on the list of graduating students. *crosses fingers*

Through with finals (finally!)
Traffic along Makati Ave.
A very looong queue turning left to Gil Puyat Ave.
Dinner with R at Jay-J's Chicken Inasal along Timog Ave. (great food, reasonable price!)

Balanced Reporting

2006-04-05T02:46:00.000+08:00

This reporter gives a new meaning to "balanced reporting".

Philippine Fashion Week '06

2006-04-04T21:10:00.000+08:00

(nbc tent | april 3, 2006)

R's friend invited us to attend the Fashion show at the tent tonight. She went with her girlfriend and they looked so cute together. (Couldn't tell who's butch.) This is only the 2nd time I've hung out with a lesbian couple. They're cool AND normal as can be. It wasn't weird at all.

Attending a fashion show's actually a first for me. Beautiful people were everywhere, so were peeps of the 3rd kind. Some were classy, some were posers. It was just like entering BED minus the disco lights.

That's R up there. Isn't he a cutie?! We just turned 10 months this midnight. I'm happy we're growing together and learning from one another. Wuv you :">

Over Coffee

2006-04-04T21:08:00.000+08:00

[IMAGE REMOVED]
(seattle's best april 2, 2006)

I was chatting with my friend over YM later this afternoon when he invited me to go out and meet up in an hour. We had coffee THEN dinner (yes, in that order) earlier this evening. Hilarious memories, infamous nostalgic events; great conversation. I think this is the first time we met in almost a year. I have to say, Seattle's Best blends the best coffee and Good Earth serves the best Chinese food. I'm breaking up with Starbucks and Superbowl.

I met this guy 5 years ago just when I was starting out as a Web Designer. I founded an online organization exclusive for Filipino male Web designers and I'm not sure whether he applied or I bumped onto him while blog-hopping. But sure thing, our crosses pathed. Er. Rather, our paths crossed.

We've become very good friends after a little over a year or so before I became a Jesus-freak by the end of 2003. We became closer after I invited him to church and we tried helping each other with our ordeals. But beyond the common ground, beyond being confidants and eating buddies, we've grown to have high regards for one another. And that makes our bond so special.

He's kindov lonely right now after ending a relationship. *Hugs to you, my friend*

Lifestyle Mag

2006-04-04T21:07:00.000+08:00

(Digital Lifestyle | march 2006)

My group in IT Trends recently submitted this magazine that'll serve as our final project which is only worth 30 points. We spent P500 just for printing. We got the 30 points. I'm not sure if it's worth it though. 30 points isn't hard to get especially in that subject. Oh well. Atleast it turned out nice. It's something I can add to my portfolio, perhaps. :)

Manila by Night

2006-04-04T21:05:00.000+08:00

My cousin, Faye, asked me to join their payday celebration at their favorite Antipolo bar. (I forgot the name.) Good food, good ambiance. I guess driving all the way there isn't bad at all, especially after seeing the great view. Check out the blue thing on the right, that's Megaworld in Eastwood City and I can see it from Antripolo. Cool, huh?

(manila by night | march 31, 2006)

(a taste of antipolo night life | march 31, 2006)

Dad's Birthday Celebration

2006-04-04T21:00:00.000+08:00

(tagaytay | march 2006)

(bulalo resto, tagaytay | march 2006)

Table of the Future

2006-04-04T20:58:00.000+08:00

(panasonic's intelligent table | akihabaranews.com)

Panasonic recently released a real table that isn't only interactive but also intelligent. It looks like 4 embedded touch-screen plasma TVs on a table. One cool function would be putting you mobile phone on top the table and seemlessly check the contents on the table's screen itself. No need to plug in cables or install softwares.

It's kindov hard to explain, really. Follow the link and see the video for yourself.

Straight from Cebu

2006-04-04T20:57:00.000+08:00

(BMW Z3 | march 30, 2006)

My brother's car arrived from Cebu this morning. Their CEO asked him to go back to Manila to start a development somewhere in Canlubang. In the mean time, he'll be staying at home again with us. Hopefully, I get to take the car for a spin soon.

Sometimes, I wish to have the kind of life he has. Sometimes, I don't. :)

Peace, Y'all

2006-04-04T20:56:00.000+08:00

(lea in the project lab | march 29, 2006)

Got exempted to take the finals in 2 of my subjects today. Gawd, what a relief! Finals week won't be a pain in the ass. Yey!

I got my grad pics today. I think they're awful! My skin was flawless and all (thanks to Photoshop) but still I looked old! Or maybe I do look old, I just don't know it, or I'm in denial? Haha. Everybody's pictures were great except mine and a fellow classmate. Oh well, atleast I feel like I'm graduating in a few months. *crosses fingers*

Was supposed to go to Government with a friend tonight. But after going to BED last Friday, I kindov satisfied my curiosity. And I figured it's no use flirting with other guys since I'm happy with someone now. Sure, sometimes I toy with the idea of doing some mischievous things, who doesn't? But then, what for? I wouldn't wanna shake us like that. Especially now that we're nearing 10 months. It's not everyday that I meet someone like R.

So I saw Ice Age 2 with R instead. I was constantly grasping for air. That stupid squirrel is so hilarious that I think it aggravated my asthma. Haha!

The BED Experience

2006-04-04T20:53:00.000+08:00

(starbucks glorietta 2 | march 24, 2006)

My very good friend, Pat, celebrated her 26th birthday last Friday at Citrus. RJ, Chai, and I went there empty-handed so we bought her a Starbucks cake nextdoor. What a f*cking expensive cake. I bet it's not even that good.

There were lots of people and I'm not surprised at all. Imagine posting an invite in your Friendster bulletin for 300 or so friends. It was my first time to go there and I think it looks very nice and classy. Beautiful people and great sounds. However, that isn't my crowd so I wasn't really comfortable.

Got bored but sortov managed to entertain ourselves by smoking. Most of the guests were her Atenean friends and friends from work. There were just a handful of people from our school. The 3 of us left by midnight and headed to BED, Malate.

It was my first time in BED. Well 2nd, actually. I was taking pictures the 1st time and it was 5pm then. The party hasn't even started yet.

The place's newly renovated (for a few months) but I hardly even notice the expansion. It means New York, what used to be the establishment next door, was THAT small.

I always thought guys only go there to pick up somebody and get laid. As I entered, it was sortov being in a Queer as Folk episode wherein Brian walks in oozing with sex appeal, effortlessly gets everybody's attention, and all the hot guys check him out from head to foot. I thought it only happens in movies! -- But hey, don't get me wrong. I ain't oozing with sex appeal. What I meant was they were checking me out.

Hot people were all over the place. I honestly didn't know who to check out first. But after a while they all just looked the same.

Anyhow, my experience wasn't at all bad. Made some new friends, danced my heart out (almost), drank like a fish, smoked like a house on fire, and realized that my idea of BED isn't all correct. Maybe it was too sensationalized (which I can now admit). I guess like any "straight" bars out there, people go there to drink, dance and have fun alone, with friends, or with their partners. It's not all about getting laid at the end of the day (or should I say start of the day?).

Not to sound offensive but my fear of being inside the gay-infested place dissipated. I'm not afraid anymore. I actually thought I'd be "weak on my knees" (literally and figuratively) amidst all those people. To think it was a Guys4Men night, which I later found out.

I wish R were there with me. I would have enjoyed more if he were there. I'm surprised I wasn't longing for anybody else but him. Maybe I really am in love with him. It's not like I don't know, but sometimes I can't believe it's really happening. One can really be committed to somebody he loves. It feels good to know I'm committed to somebody shares the same aspirations as I do.

Hello! Hello!

2006-04-04T20:31:00.001+08:00

(eastwood city circa 2005)

Hello! You can forget about my real name, just call me Tenchu. There's really nothing deep behind the pseudonym, it just sounds funny that's why I like it. It's just like saying "tenchu" instead of "thank you". Filipinos, huh? I know.

I'm a 20-something guy from Manila. A designer ~~and a slob both at the same time~~. I often dream of being successful and well-known (being famous and all that) but I'm not sure where I'm headed at the moment.

I'm a former youth leader from a huge Christian church. I left that church a year ago to run away from all the lies and to find myself.

I've kept and maintained several blogs (photoblogs and journals) over the past 5 years (more or less). Now as I am about to deal with quarter life crisis, my blogs had to deal with their own crises too (identity that is). And I think I'm just about ready to put another phase of my life into writing...and taking pictures.

Hopefully, I succeed in transforming this li'l site into a photoblog of some sorts, ~~focusing on my new found hobby/past time/recreational activity (whatever you call it) which is smoking.~~

Uhuh, you read that right.

Tried jumping on the bandwagon and voila! I'm a smoker. Plain stupid, I know, I'd be the first to admit that. It ain't supposed to be cool. But sometimes, honestly, I feel like it is, like you belong or something. Shit.

Anyhow, i see a lot peeps writing about being utterly queer to the grave, fashionably gay, or living a balanced gay life. ~~But never a queer guy smoking. Pathetic, eh? Well it's for me to know and for you to find out.~~